No Choice
by thenerddess
Summary: Felicity refuses to give up the search for Oliver, even with a bloody sword as evidence of Oliver's fate. Ray is not happy. Season 3 spoilers! Felicity's POV.


Felicity rubbed her tired eyes, she had been focusing on her computer screens for hours, days, weeks even. The lack of sleep was not helping her focus and with every dead end, her frustration and worry mounted.

She heard him before she saw him, Ray's expensive Italian shoes squeaking softly on the shiny marble floors as he entered her office.

The night Malcolm had visited the Foundry and dropped the bomb that Oliver was dead, Felicity fled. After breaking the news to Diggle and Roy and falling apart, Felicity had gathered herself enough to flee the Foundry. She couldn't be there, surrounded by constant reminders of Oliver, so she ran.

Curled up on her couch, crying her eyes out, she had been interrupted by none other than Ray Palmer. Choosing yet another inconvenient moment to show up at her apartment, boundless energy and enthusiastic ramblings about his latest technological genius idea. Felicity was too exhausted to even interrupt his self flagellation.

After a few minutes Ray must have noticed Felicity's lack of responsiveness, finally taking notice of the state she was in his big eyes softened, worry evident.

"Felicity, what's happened? Are you okay? Stupid question. You don't look okay at all, intact you look terrible. I mean not terrible as in ugly because you are always beautiful but terrible as in something has obversely happened that has upset you greatly and I want you to know that I am here to help. Whatever you need."

Felicity let out a hollow laugh. Something terrible. That was the understatement of the century. It didn't get any worse. Her entire world had been turned on it's head and she wasn't sure it would ever right it's self. That she would ever be right again.

The sincerity in Ray's eyes made Felicity spill her guts. Well not completely. She didn't mention Oliver or the Arrow but she did share that she had possibly lost someone very close to her and that's when the tears started again. To be honest, they hadn't really stopped since she found out.

As it turns out, Felicity didn't have to tell Ray, because he has already figured it out. He already knew Oliver was the Arrow and that Felicity was working for him. He may have figured it out even quicker than Felicity had.

"Whatever I can do to help, all you have to do is ask."

So she did. Felicity asked Ray to test the blood on the sword. She could have done it herself, after two and a half years of working with Team Arrow, Felicity had become accustomed to blood. It was part of the job. But this was Oliver's blood and she could make herself do the test. To confirm the terrible truth. Plus Palmer Technologies had one of the best labs in the world.

When the results came back as a match to Oliver Queen, Felicity thought she would feel some sense of finality. Like the confirmation that the sword was in fact covered in Oliver's blood would be enough for her to accept that he wasn't coming back. But it didn't.

All it did was fuel her fire to find Oliver, even if that meant finding his body. Until then she could not accept that the man she loved was gone, as sick as it sounded, she needed to see for herself and until then she was treating this as if he was missing. Like when he left after Tommy died.

It had been weeks and Felicity was no closer to finding him. Every minute that wasn't spent doing her day job, was spent searching every avenue, every whisper, every tiny possibility, no matter how unlikely it was.

She would eat and sleep when it was necessary. Felicity would work herself until she could no longer physically type and her vision would start to blur and then she would pass out from share exhaustion.

Felicity knew she didn't look good. The dark circles under her eyes were getting to the point where her most full coverage concealer was barely masking her tired eyes. Her ponytail wasn't as smooth as it usually was and she found no joy in her amazing clothes and shoes that usually brought a smile to her face. She didn't care. None of it mattered.

Other people were noticing too.

Diggle had voiced his concerns a number of time and was immediately met with Felicity's death stare. He didn't flinch. She supposed years of enduring Oliver Queen's broody glares had bulletproofed Diggle's resolve.

He was looking after Starling City with the help of Roy. Felicity helped too but she couldn't make herself go to the Foundry. It was too hard.

Diggle did not try to deter her, he and Lyla were doing all they could to help. Felicity sensed Diggle didn't want to believe Oliver was gone, almost as much as she did. But he had coaxed her into looking after herself at a bare minimum, asking her not to give him one more thing to worry about. How could she refuse him that?

Ray had also voiced his concerns far more loudly and insistently. Much like now, as he stood before her desk, Felicity could feel the heaviness of his worried, disapproving stare settling on her. She didn't look up from her computer.

"You need to stop this."

Felicity continued to type furiously. "Stop what?" She asked, playing dumb.

She heard Ray sighed heavily, "He's not coming back, Felicity."

Felicity fingers faltered on her keyboard, Ray words hitting her hard, "You don't know that."

Ray wouldn't relent, "You running yourself into the ground is not going to change that."

Felicity felt her anger starting to bubble up, "You're wrong!"

Ray took a step forward, "I'm not. It's been weeks. If Oliver was still alive, he would have contacted you."

"What if they are keeping him captive? Maybe he has no way of contacting us." Felicity could hear the desperation in her own voice.

Ray's next words were spoken out of frustration that had turned to anger, "He's dead! And if Oliver where here he would want-"

"Dont!" Felicity burst out, she stood up quickly sending her chair careening into the wall behind her desk with a loud bang. "Don't say that! Don't talk about what he would want, you know nothing about him!"

"I know that if he cared about you as much as you obviously care for him, he wouldn't want to see you wasting away chasing a ghost."

Felicity felt tears rush to her eyes, "You're wrong. If the situation were reversed, Oliver would never stop looking for me. Even if people told him I was dead, he wouldn't stop. I know it."

"So he would be just as stubborn and head strong as you are.", Shaking his head in angry disbelief.

Felicity wouldn't back down. "Even more so. Oliver doesn't give up on the people he loves!"

Felicity took a sharp intake of breath at her own words, she hadn't meant to say that to Ray. She saw the sad realisation hit him

"And neither do you."

Felicity swallowed hard as Ray nodded running a large hand through his perfect mope of ebony hair before shoving both his hands in his pockets, eyes downcast, large shoulders slightly hunched in defeat.

"You love him."

It wasn't posed as a question.

And Felicity couldn't find the words deny the truth. She didn't want to. She may not have gotten to tell Oliver but she was done hiding her feelings.

So she nodded.

"And he felt the same way?"

Felicity nodded again.

An awkward silence settled over them before Ray took a deep breath, lifting his eyes from the floor and giving her a sad smile.

"You're never going to choose me, are you?"

Felicity didn't want to hurt him anymore than she already had but he deserved to know the truth.

"I think it stopped being my choice the moment Oliver Queen stepped into my office." Felicity felt her lips quirk up in a small sad but fond smile, "_There was no choice to make._"

Felicity took a step towards Ray, brushing the few tears that had escaped at the memory of Oliver's words. Looking at this brilliant man she felt sadness and regret. Had things been different, had she never met Oliver, her and Ray could have been great together.

Much like her and Barry.

But her words to Ray where the honest to God truth, she didn't have a choice. And even if she did, she wouldn't have chosen differently.

"I'm so sorry, Ray."

Ray held up his hand, taking a step back.

"It's okay. I can't be mad at you for feeling the way you do. I understand what it's like to lose someone you love. More than most."

Felicity rubbed her hands together nervously, "If you want to to hand in my resignation, I completely understand."

Ray shook his hand, "I didn't give you this job because I liked you. I gave it to you because you are extremely capable and an asset to this company. None of that has changed."

Felicity tried not to look surprised and failed if look Ray gave her was anything to go by.

"You're an amazing man, Ray."

Ray flashed her his billion dollar smile, "I know."

He winked at her then turned and headed to the door, "I'll see you on Monday, bright and early. Good evening, Ms. Smoak."

"Night, Ray."

And just like it was over. Felicity walked back to her desk on shaky legs and sat down, feeling very drained. Deciding that Ray was partly right, she did need to rest. Finding out the truth about Oliver was not going to be an easy task and she was going to need to bring her A game.

Shutting down her computer, Felicity grabbed her stuff and headed home. She was going to eat and try and sleep more than a few hours. And when she woke in the morning, she was going to bring Oliver home. One way or another.

THE END


End file.
